“Silly girl…” I lent my chest to Ziyuan, because I knew that she cried. While stroking her head, the anger in my heart was even more intense. However, the anger towards her was no longer there.
“You’re right, it was indeed my fault. I’m sorry, Xiao Zi. In the past five years, I always tried to force myself to forget you. I don’t know what kind of life you had over there, whether it was good or not, and I also don’t know how much you had suffered…”
Ziyuan held my waist tightly, her head pressing firmly against my chest shook quickly, “Please don’t talk about it anymore. Xiao Nan, I’m begging you, please don’t talk about it anymore!”
“No, I have to talk about it,” How could I not talk about it after I had been trying to avoid it for five years? How could I not talk about it after what happened last night? “I was wrong for five years, but I will never be wrong again. I will take care of you, care for you, and I’ll shoulder everything that you need to bear…”
“No need!” Ziyuan pushed me away, her pretty face was already covered with tears, “What I have to bear is not something you can bear! Xiao Nan, you can’t do this to me! I don’t want you to pity me, and I don’t want you to sympathize with me! So, don’t give me a reason to forgive you! I don’t want to listen to your explanation! Without these five years of resentment, I would never forgive myself for what I did last night, and I would have no courage to continue living anymore!”
“I may not be able to shoulder it at the moment, but I will work hard. Five years, ten years, or twenty years! One day, I will be able to shoulder all your burdens! That is my responsibility! I am not only responsible for you, but for myself as well, so stop talking about sympathy or pity!”
I unreasonably pulled Ziyuan back into my arms. I was afraid that she would leave without saying goodbye again. I had this hunch, “You don’t need to forgive me, because the mistake I made was an unforgivable mistake. Also, stop saying that you don’t have the courage to live anymore. If you don’t have it, then I will give it to you. I don’t blame you for what happened last night. You are no longer alone, because you are now my woman, and I am your man. You live for me now.”
Ziyuan stopped struggling. She quietly let me hold her in my arms. Then she gently hugged my waist and whispered, “Xiao Nan, you are such a male chauvinist. You are just like a child…”
“You think I’m naive?” I smiled faintly, “It doesn’t matter, this is my belief, my way of living.”
“Can I really rely on you?” Ziyuan smiled bitterly, tears of sadness still running down from her face, “What about Miss Cheng? What about Ms. Mo? And What about Officer Winter?”
I didn’t know… Men are such simple animals. When they make promises to women, they never think about it that much. In the face of the responsibility that they should bear, they will not consider the conflicted relationship between this responsibility and a certain responsibility that they have already shouldered. Even if they thought about it, they would only tell themselves to take responsibility no matter what happened. After all, this conflict was also caused by themselves.
“You didn’t think about it, did you?” Ziyuan knew me too well. Her hands that were originally hugging me pinched my waist very hard. It was very painful, but I didn’t make a sound because I knew that she wanted to vent. “Xiao Nan, I hate your gentleness. You were already a playboy when you were a kid. Now it is even worse. You clearly want me to be your fourth girlfriend. But you want to use these sweet nothings to fool me. What if I am really fooled by you, what are you going to do?”
I didn’t answer, because I didn’t know the answer. Some things are destined to be moving forward without a plan. “I was a playboy when I was a kid? Was I really?… I remember that I never got close to any other girl until you went abroad…”
“How were you not?” Ziyuan stared at me, her eyes filled with an ambiguous smile, “There is a little girl who is even more clingy to you than me, and you are closer to her than me. We always competed with each other over this.”
Chu Yuan? !
If it was before, I would have taken it as a joke and laughed it off, but thinking of the words Dongfang said in the morning, my heart was so shocked that I didn’t know how to control my expression. Fortunately, Ziyuan didn’t pay attention to my look. She slowly moved away from my arms and said softly, “Xiao Nan, I said that I have been waiting for your answer for five years, but I won’t put you in a difficult position. I can’t tell you many things, but there is one thing you guessed right—someone wants to see if you will take the responsibility…”
“But you won’t tell me who that person is, will you?”
Ziyuan nodded, “You are too weak now. You don’t have the ability to fight with that person, so I’m begging you, don’t go to the Mo family, don’t try to dig out that person’s information, otherwise, you will get hurt. You are just a small existence to that person. His goal has been achieved, so I think he no longer has any interest in wasting time on you…”
“What’s his goal? To see me abandon you, or to see me take responsibility?”
Ziyuan looked at me in a daze, “He just wants to see a result, it doesn’t matter which one it is…Xiao Nan, you are very smart, but you shouldn’t be so smart, otherwise, it will only arouse his interest in you again.”
If my assumption was correct, then whichever choice I made in the end would not really matter to that person. The important thing was that both results were acceptable to him. I had never felt so angry before. However, I laughed. I laughed because the person who was scheming in the dark had clearly underestimated me.
It was the first time that I had a desire not to give up without a fight. It was not because that person underestimated me and schemed against me, but because to scheme against me, he used Ziyuan and hurt Ziyuan! That bastard actually regarded Ziyuan as a chess piece. This was something that I could not accept the most!
“My dad used to say that if you refrain yourself for a moment, you will find the winds and waves become calm; taking one step back, you will see the sea is boundless and the sky is vast. He often used this proverb to teach me to be patient and tolerant. I have been very tolerant in the past, but I’ve never taken a step back before. Because my dad also said that you can live like an ordinary man, but you can’t live without a backbone!” I wiped away the tear marks on Ziyuan’s face and said, “I will use my actions to tell that person that he is wrong. It doesn’t matter if you don’t tell me who he is, I will dig him out by myself!”
“Don’t be silly, okay? He is not an ordinary person, how are you going to fight him? ”
The more fearful Ziyuan was, the stronger my fighting spirit was. “Using the backbone of a man!”
“Can your backbone provide your food? Can it give you your money? ! In the past, I didn’t understand because I was young, but now I understand it better than you. In the past five years, I have experienced too many things, and I have seen too much. Xiao Nan, the world is unfair. It’s useless to have a backbone. In the face of difficulties in the real world, it is really naive to talk about having a backbone.” Ziyuan held my hand tightly and said softly, “Xiao Nan, I don’t need you to take responsibility. No matter what you think of me now, I know you used to like me, right? At least, I know that you don’t hate me. So I don’t regret giving my first time to you. Besides, we didn’t lose anything important, did we?”
“You did! Not only your body but also the courage to live!”
Ziyuan was dazed, and then she cried again, “I don’t need you to stand up for me! You have always been like this. You can always endure it no matter what other people do to you, but when the people around you are hurt, you will never endure it. Why can’t you just lie to me once?! Xiao Nan, please, if you really care about me, just forget it, okay?”
“No, Xiao Zi. As a man, some things can’t be tolerated.”
“I don’t deserve you to do it! Xiao Nan, I’m begging you, don’t be foolish, okay? It was my own choice to give my body to you. It has nothing to do with that person. You will never be able to prove anything by fighting that person.”
“Your own choice?”
“Yes, my own choice!” Ziyuan said guiltily, “This is a fair exchange of benefits. I did those things to you according to their requirements, and then they gave me what I wanted. But I think it’s a great deal because I don’t think having sex with you is degrading myself.”
I didn’t know if I should believe Ziyuan, but that was obviously not the most important thing, “But then what? In order not to destroy my relationship with Liusu, you will leave without saying goodbye again and disappear from my eyes, right?”
Ziyuan’s expression told me that I was right. At the same time, I also knew that I could no longer suppress my anger anymore. I turned and walked towards the door. Ziyuan suddenly hugged my waist from behind and said, “Don’t go! I won’t leave, I promise you, I won’t leave!”
I slowly turned around, stroked Ziyuan’s face, and said softly, “Do you think I would believe it? Xiao Zi, you are too kind, you won’t be able to fool me…”
