Apparently, the ongoing spectacle inside the lecture hall was interesting enough to make the professor forget all about the minutia of Chinese literary works. Lecture forgotten, the professor joined his students in their appreciation of real-life Desperate Housewives. Everyone in the lecture was getting a buzz out of it. Well, buzz might be an understatement because, honestly, these people looked outright manic with their eyes bouncing back and forth between Li Yundong and Feng Na.
Alas, Feng Na hadn’t been in her right mind since Su Chan’s dinglu comments earlier, and Li Yundong’s refusal to take responsibility for his actions yesterday was the final straw.
Something inside her snapped.
“What’s the matter with you!” she yelled at Li Yundong as though there weren’t about fifty pairs of eyes watching them at that moment. “How dare you act as though nothing happened after all that fooling around you did yesterday!”
Fooling around!!!
Several guys —the more innocent ones no doubt— stared at Feng Na in awe. To them, Feng Na’s loud declaration didn’t sound odd at all. Instead, they were impressed by Feng Na’s candidness.
“Wow, she’s fearless right? So bold… What a kickass senior!”
These guys probably deserved medals for being the world’s least dirty-minded men. Really, they were such rare creatures who deserved to be honored.
Meanwhile, a few girls, who had no doubt spent way too much time watching melodramas, gasped into their hands before shooting glares at Li Yundong.
“What an asshole! How could he toy with a girl like that? This is just unforgivable!”
The rest of the guys had already caught on to the suggestiveness behind Feng Na’s remark and were now sharing knowing glances with each other. One didn’t have to be a rocket scientist to have a rough idea what kind of scenarios they had conjured up in their filthy minds. Their facial expressions were a dead giveaway, not to mention their lewd chuckles which would make old Master Roshi seem like a harmless grandpa.
Then there were those girls who were more in touch with their carnal side. Well, let’s just say that their lack of filter rivaled Su Chan’s own, though in a completely different way: “Psst! Psst! What do you think it is? A threesome? Maybe some kinky fifty-shades stuff? Ooh! I know! Anal play! Haven’t done that stuff in a while… Hey, hey, girls, you know he’s the parkour dude, right? Do you think he’s that energetic in bed as well? Damn! I bet he’ll be a total beast! He’ll be like a dragon and the girl will be like a phoenix…”
Li Yundong knew what Feng Na’s statement must sound like to others. He glanced around the lecture hall and, sure enough, saw all kinds of different looks from everyone: shock; surprised; appreciative; knowing; envious; anger.
Li Yundong groaned into his hands.
“Say, hottie, don’t you think you should look around you and see where you’re at before you drop that kind of bomb? F*ck! Do you even realize what it sounds like to others?”
Feng Na glanced around and blushed almost instantly. “H-hey, um, l- let’s take this somewhere else,” she said.
A little late, don’t you think? Li Yundong thought.
Apparently, the other students agreed with him.
“Oh, no! Stay! This is a good place to chat! By all means, keep going!”
“Yeah, senior. You should take this opportunity and expose this bastard’s wrongdoings in front of everyone! We’ve all got your back, senior!”
“That’s right, senior! We want the truth!”
The brouhaha went on until a loud and clear voice silenced everyone: “Show us a picture!!”
All eyes fell on the lectern, where the owner of that voice stood.
The professor wasn’t intimidated by the students’ stares at all. He cleared his throat, then adjusted his collar. “There won’t be any proof without photos, right?” he said nonchalantly, shrugging.
The looks on the students’ faces were as though the professor had just provided a simple solution to an age-old puzzle.
“Yeah! We need photos as evidence!”
Then, some asshat sitting at the last row thought he was being funny: “Give us a magnet link too!”
Apparently, Mr. Asshat was funny, since every student inside the lecture hall was currently laughing their heads off because of his magnet-link comment. (T/N: Magnet links are urls that allow a computer to connect to a Peer to Peer file sharing network; the author thinks that there’s a joke here because in China, P2P file sharing is usually used to access pornographic materials)
Li Yundong was dangerously close to having a brain aneurysm at this point.
Argh! I’ve had it with this shit! Li Yundong sprang to his feet and grabbed Feng Na’s arm, then hightailed it towards the exit while dragging Feng Na with him.
Su Chan took that as her cue to leave as well, so she stood up and ran after him.
“Yeah, keep laughing assholes, Li Yundong thought, glaring at a few sniggering guys when he ran past the fifth row. Wail till I tear down this chickenshit university and then shove every single brick up your asses!
Su Chan was right on his heels, giggling as she ran.
Li Yundong nearly lost it when he saw the professor laughing at him from behind the lectern.
The frigging professor! Even the professor was goofing off in class! What happened to setting a good example and shit?
Shame on you, professor. Good luck finding a new job after I blow this place to kingdom come, Li Yundong thought as he tore past the lectern.
Feng Na’s feet were moving on their own as Li Yundong dragged her to the front of the lecture hall. As they hurried past rows of seats, she vaguely realized that the students were saying something. What photos? What proof? She didn’t understand what they meant at all. It was like she had turned into a robot whose microcontroller had short-circuited. When they made it past the lectern and reached the door, she heard some kind of commotion behind her. The students were yelling and protesting, banging on their desks.
The door slammed shut behind her, and she was dragged away into the corridor outside the lecture hall. A few steps into the corridor, a gust of wind assaulted her face, and she finally snapped out of it. It was as though the wind had blown away the fog inside her mind. She wrenched her arm free from Li Yundong’s grip, causing Li Yundong to stop and turn around to face her.
“Why are you dragging me!” she yelled at his face.
“You think I want to drag you? Do you even realize what kind of shit you’ve been saying back there? You’re ruining both of our reputations!” Li Yundong yelled, giving back as good as he got.
Feng Na froze and thought over the things she’d said inside the lecture hall. Deep down, she knew she’d messed up, but she didn’t want to admit it to Li Yundong.
“It’s all her fault!” Feng Na argued, pointing at Su Chan. “She provoked me!”
Su Chan puffed out her cheeks defiantly.
“I didn’t say anything wrong,” Su Chan said, glaring at Feng Na.
Sensing the imminent catfight, Li Yundong decided to intervene. If these two pretty chicks ended up pulling each other’s hair and strangling each other, so help him God, he would lose his shit.
“Hey, hey, that’s enough,” he said, placing himself between the two women. “Now isn’t the time to be arguing about whose fault it is.”
Li Yundong looked at Feng Na.
“Senior Feng Na, I’ve got nothing against you. We’re cool, so let’s just forget about what happened today, okay? Now. Don’t you think it’s about time you tell me the reason you came to see me? Must be pretty serious if you’re willing to sit through all that crap in there.”
“Zhao Yujian is bedridden because of you!” Feng Na said angrily. “But the exchange visit is in seven days! His demonstration is supposed to be the highlight of the entire event!”
Li Yundong smiled wryly.
“But what does that have to do with me?” he said. “Can’t you just… I don’t know, find another guy to replace him?”
Feng Na snorted, then glared at Li Yundong.
“A replacement? The only one good enough to replace him is Zeng Qing, and guess what? He’s bedridden because of you too!”
Li Yundong’s jaw went slack.
“Oh shit…” he said. “Then what are you guys gonna do?”
Feng Na placed her hands on her hips.
“What are we gonna do?” Feng Na sneered. “I’ll tell you what we’re gonna do. We’re gonna ask the one who caused this mess to take responsibility!”
Li Yundong gave Feng Na a blank stare.
“The one who caused the mess…”
Then, his eyes went wide, and he jumped slightly.
“You want me to replace Zhao Yujian?!”
Feng Na’s expression was that of a proud teacher who had just heard her student saying something clever.
“Exactly!”
“No way in hell!” Li Yundong protested loudly. “I don’t know a thing about Taekwondo!”
Feng Na grabbed Li Yundong’s forearm when she saw that Li Yundong was about to flee.
“Yeah, right. You must’ve had some training in the past if you could take down Zhao Yujian,” Feng Na said. “There’s no way you’d take him on if you didn’t know what you were doing. No. I don’t buy it.”
Li Yundong let out a bitter laugh.
“Yeah, as if I’d have my ass kicked that badly if I knew what I was doing. Come on! It was just dumb luck! I got lucky!” he said as he tried to pull his arm free. “Hey! Let go already. Jeez. What would everyone think if they see us?”
Feng Na tightened her fingers around his arm. “I don’t care! I won’t let go until you agree! This is on you. You caused this mess, so you must take responsibility!”
Li Yundong was sweating rivers at this point. He panicked and took an unconscious step backwards, his sweat-stained shirt clinging to his back. Teachers and students walking along the corridor were now staring at them. All of a sudden, his other arm shot out and he pointed at the sky.
“Holy shit! Look, a plane!” he said.
Feng Na snorted. “What do you think I am? A child?”
“But I really don’t know a thing about Taekwondo…” Li Yundong said dejectedly. “Look, if I replace him, I’m not just gonna make a fool out of myself, I’m gonna end up embarrassing the whole university!”
Feng Na froze, causing her grip on Li Yundong’s arm to slacken. “You really don’t know?”
Li Yundong looked Feng Na right in the eye. “No, I don’t. But I wanted to learn, that’s why I went to the dojo yesterday,” he said earnestly, then snorted. “Didn’t expect to receive such a warm welcome though. Look, I swear I didn’t mean for any of that stuff to happen yesterday. But what was I supposed to do? Let them kick my head in? If you wanna blame me, fine. I don’t expect you to understand anyway. But think about it for a second, will you? You’re asking me, someone with no background whatsoever in Taekwondo, to replace a blackbelt? Tell me that none of this is going to backfire.”
Feng Na studied Li Yundong’s face intently as though she was trying to decide whether Li Yundong was just bullshitting her. After a while, she released his arm with a huff and looked away.
“Fine! You win! I’ll let you off the hook for now, but,” she said, pausing for emphasis, then shot him another glare. “I assure you that this isn’t over!”
Li Yundong pressed his palms together as though he was praying, then bent slightly at the waist. “Alright, alright! Fine! Would you please stop talking now, your Highness? Look around. You’re drawing attention to us again!” Li Yundong pointed at the lecture hall windows behind Feng Na.
Feng Na turned around, then gasped, jumping slightly.
Never in Feng Na’s life had she seen so many faces crammed into a window frame. Geez. How many were faces there? Twenty? Some of those faces were squashed so badly that they even looked distorted.
Feng Na turned back around and glared at Li Yundong. She took a deep, calming breath before turning around and walking back into the lecture hall.
The students at the window turned towards the door when Feng Na entered.
Feng Na cleared her throat and bowed to everyone.
“I’m sorry to have disturbed you guys,” she said.
“Oh…” Voices of students filled the lecture hall. Satisfied, Feng Na straightened up.
To her dismay, the students were still giving her strange looks. She blushed, then cleared her throat once more. “Um… As- As you all know, students from the University of Pennsylvania will be here in seven days for an exchange visit. I came to see Li Yundong about that. So, um, please don’t get the wrong idea. There’s nothing going on between me and Li Yundong.”
At the door, Li Yundong did an epic facepalm. Kill me now, somebody… He was starting to think that, in women, beauty was truly inversely proportional to intelligence. Heck, just look at Su Chan! That girl was gorgeous enough to put every beauty pageant in the world out of business, yet she was running around saying things that make her seem as though she had ten loose screws in her head! And now this Feng Na chick! Why was she even trying to explain anything to these knuckleheads? Didn’t she know that it would only make things worse? Seriously, what is the matter with these girls!
The skeptical looks of the students had Feng Na’s stomach in knots.
“I swear there’s nothing going on between us!” she said. “We just met yesterday!”
Li Yundong growled and gripped two fistfuls of his hair, all the while imagining the number of ways he could mess up Feng Na’s pretty face with his fists.
“Oh!” The students in the lecture hall now had knowing looks on their faces. Some of them were even nodding their heads.
Feng Na’s panic went into overdrive. “Look, how can I make you guys believe me!”
“Easy!! Share a photo!! We need proof!” a student yelled.
“Photo proof! Photo proof! Magnet link! Magnet link!” every student in the lecture hall chanted in tandem like they were a bunch of kids reciting a choral speaking script.
That does it! Li Yundong thought, pushing himself away from the door and charging into the lecture hall. I’m gonna torch this goddamn place tomorrow and rid the world of these hopeless perverts!
He grabbed Feng Na by the collar of her shirt, then dragged her out.
Li Yundong started yelling the moment they were out the door.
“Are you an idiot? Why are you even explaining shit when you know it’s only going to make things worse! F*ck! Do you even have a brain? Or is your skull filled with maggots? Do you know what will happen if this kind of stuff can be explained satisfactorily? World peace, that’s what!”
The hurt and panic that Feng Na was feeling drove her to the point of tears.
“But there really isn’t anything going on between us!”
Li Yundong did another facepalm.
“God save my soul…” Li Yundong groaned. “How did I run into a woman this dumb!”
“I’m dumb?” Feng Na bristled. “You’re the one who’s dumb!”
Li Yundong glared at Feng Na angrily.
“Right. You’re not dumb. Everything you said just now deserves a f*cking Nobel prize. Congratulations, genius,” Li Yundong said, his tone dripping with sarcasm. Then, he sneered. “People say that women with bigger boobs are dumber. I think that’s bullshit. You and your flat chest are living proof of that! Maybe all the fat tissue in your boobs went to your brain, that’s why you’re so dumb!”
Feng Na gasped at Li Yundong’s harsh words. Although she wasn’t a member of the Itty Bitty Titty Committee, she was still only a C-cup. If Li Yundong implied that she was one of those dumb women with melons for boobs, then fine, she could live with that — at least she had boobs. But what did that little shit say? That she was a flat-chested idiot? That was implying that she had neither boobs nor brains! A double insult!
Incensed, Feng Na shoved her chest out.
“I do not have a flat chest!”
Li Yundong opened his mouth to make another barb, but then closed it when he saw the faces at the window. It was like they were waiting for Li Yundong and Feng Na to come to blows right then and there.
Li Yundong sighed and wave his hand a few times.
“Whatever. I’m done with this conversation,” he said. “My own IQ points might start to drop if I keep listening to you talk.”
Then, he turned to the side and waved at Su Chan, who was crouching on the floor giggling like there was no tomorrow.
“Hey, stand up already! Let’s go!” Li Yundong said.
Su Chan got up and came over to him, though she was still giggling.
“Tsk! Stop laughing already!” Li Yundong said, poking her head. “Don’t you feel embarrassed at all staying in this godforsaken place? Jeez.”
After that, Li Yundong walked away.
Su Chan wiped her tears and released two final giggles. She cleared her throat and rubbed her cramping stomach, then ran after Li Yundong.
Feng Na was left standing there alone with her hackles raised. She stared after Li Yundong and Su Chan, grinding her teeth.
After a while, another girl walked up and stopped beside her.
“Nana,” said the girl with a small voice, “he really wiped the floor with you, didn’t he? Guess you’ve met your match, huh?”
Feng Na snapped out of her stupor and glared at the girl beside her. A second later, she went back to shooting daggers at Li Yundong’s back with her eyes.
“Shut up!” Feng Na said angrily. “I’m going to kill that son of a bitch! God! This is driving me insane! How dare he walk all over me like that! Argh!”
Feng Na was acknowledged as the most beautiful third-year female student in the university’s Department of Finance and had a decent family background. Despite having been treated like a princess and showered with endless affection ever since she was born, Feng Na was by no means soft and weak. She was a lively and carefree girl who was used to winning arguments, or, more accurately speaking, used to other people letting her win. Li Yundong’s insult was definitely not something she could shrug off just like that.
Being called flat-chested and dumb at the same time! That, to Feng Na, was even worse than if someone stole her man or even murdered her father!
Feng Na tore her gaze away from Li Yundong. From the corner of her eyes, she noticed that those second-year idiots were still staring at her through the lecture hall’s window. She looked away and stormed off, muttering under her breath and cursing Li Yundong in a manner that would make a sailor blush.
A few steps later, Feng Na stopped short and looked at her bestie.
“Cheng Cheng, are my boobs really that small?”
Instead of commenting, Cheng Cheng sighed and pushed out her F-cup melons.
Feng Na went berserk.
“Argh!!!” she screamed, raising her trembling fists in the air. “I’m gonna murder every woman with boobs bigger than mine!”
Cheng Cheng shied away from Feng Na with both hands pressed against her chest. She gasped and feigned a look of fear. “Oh, no… You’ll be the only woman left in this world then.”
“What did you just say!” Feng Na pounced on her. “You’re dead meat! Get over here, you bitch! I’m going to squeeze your boobs until they burst!”
Cheng Cheng burst into laughter and broke off into a sprint. The two girls sprinted away, vanishing around the corner of the corridor.
