Kill the Lights by Jangryang
Proofreader/Editor: Kaima, Hwarang
‘Mr. Raycarlton did stop by your house for a short time. It seemed like he brought something out…’
Mason remembered what Phil had said to him and thought about it for a long time as he stood in front of the door to Noah’s room.
Should I go in or should I not? Should I knock, or should I turn back?
It seemed like he’d guessed right; it was Noah who took his stuff. Mason wasn’t sure if Noah took anything else, but it was apparent that he got the two things that didn’t belong to Haley, the picture and the bag.
“How far does he know…..”
Originally Mason thought that it wouldn’t be strange for Noah to know everything. But in reality he felt quite in panic when faced with the prospect that Noah knew everything.
“No, it’s too early to judge.”
Those things, he’d poured them in front of Noah once in New York. So there was nothing wrong in picking them. If there were no problem with your attention, it would not be difficult to pick out his stuff in that fancy house.
Well, then the question is, why did he take it-
“…..”
Mason bit his lips. From there on his thoughts were blocked as if even a needle couldn’t go through. As if someone was pulling from behind and he couldn’t go any further.
Every time Mason met Noah with Haley’s body, a question of ‘why?’ kept adding on. Mason never did know. ‘Why is Noah standing in front of my New York house?’ ‘Why is he attacking me?’ ‘Why is he asking if I’m alive?’…. He’d thought maybe Noah had something for him to do. Still, the questions he couldn’t explain kept increasing, and he couldn’t think of anything else.
Mason was used to working without knowing the reason. Either in a war, or in a mission, it was rare for higher ups to tell him the reason. Mason also knew himself that knowing in detail would give him a headache, so he never asked for a reason.
“…..”
So Mason wondered, standing in front of Noah’s room. If he knocked on the door to look for his stuff right now, could he face the countless questions that he had been avoiding?
‘Do I really need to take those stuff back?’ Mason thought sullenly. ‘I can just make a new passport even though it’ll be difficult; actually it will be nearly impossible to use a fake passport with my new face. My fortune is too bad, but at least I can earn again, and my wife and daughter’s picture is….’
Mason bitterly thought about what happened. It had been 10 years since they both died. It was only a month before going to Afghanistan that he had a hard time and felt sad because of their deaths. His body was tired like crazy and many people had died. After seeing families murdered every day, more cruelly than his wife and daughter, he couldn’t think of anything else to do but to simply survive.
Keeping the picture was Mason’s apology. Sorry for forgetting, pretending to be oblivious because he was busy surviving. He was afraid of forgetting them, so he stared at the picture every day to remember.
And it had been 10 years. Also he had been dead once. No one was calling him Mason anymore. Wasn’t it better to cut the ties like this?
“….No, that’s not right.”
Mason sighed one more time. He didn’t feel right about abandoning it like this. If he himself had thrown the picture away it’d be okay, but this felt like being taken away by force.
On the other hand, there was no reason for the picture to not be taken away by force…
Mason was tired of muttering to himself in front of Noah’s door like a crazy person.
“…..”
“Ah, I don’t know. No way that I’m gonna get killed. If Noah really does try to kill me, then it’ll be easier to grasp the situation and move accordingly. But then, can I? Don’t know. I really don’t know.” Mason reined in his complicated thoughts and knocked on the door.
-Knock Knock.
“-….”
Mason waited for a sound from the inside after knocking on the door. Is he sleeping? Already? The time was indeed late. It was past 11 when they ate dinner, so it wouldn’t be weird if he were sleeping already….
-Knock Knock
Mason knocked on the door again. Is he not in his room? Mason waited a little bit more and knocked on the door again. -Knock Knock. This time he put his ear on the door. …..There was a small rustling sound.
“…..”
Mason wondered a little bit and carefully turned the doorknob. The room was dark, and somebody was lying down on the bed. There were strands of brightly lit hair on the blanket. It looked like Noah’s.
“…..”
Was he sleeping? Mason looked around. No one noticed him. CCTV was running, but it was not like he was going to kill him, so it didn’t matter.
Mason carefully entered Noah’s room. Mason depended on the moonlight coming through the big window and looked around the room. If he didn’t really explain to Phil, he probably tossed it somewhere in his room. The picture and some money, those were probably not that important to Noah….
Mason glanced at Noah, who was sleeping curled up with blanket all the way up to his head. Mason carefully passed by his side.
“….”
He saw a black bag on the right side of the bed, next to the table and underneath the chair. Mason recognized his bag at once. He moved a little faster and got hold of the bag. He glanced at the pile of blankets that he suspected was Noah.
It seemed like Noah was deep asleep, and Mason carefully checked inside his bag. When he opened the zipper slightly, he noticed that the picture, passport, and the bundle of money inside were quite untouched.
Just like Phil said, it seemed like Noah would just have returned it to him…. Mason clicked his tongue, shouldered his bag and turned around. Anyhow Noah took something that was not his, so even if he noticed the bag’s disappearance it’s not like he could complain or anything.
Compared to wondering in front of the door for a long time whether to bump his head or to run away, the situation got resolved quite easily. Mason thought he could now carefully get out of the room and close it and then pretend to not know anything about this.
“….-hugh,”
If only he hadn’t heard that small sound.
Mason was passing by Noah’s bed when he heard a sound from the pile of blankets and turned his head. Mason hadn’t noticed it before, but once he did, he kept hearing the small sound.
Mason thought that may be Noah was awake and turned around with a frozen face.
“-…., ….,”
But he wasn’t awake. When he turned around, there weren’t any cold eyes staring at him. Instead, something strange was…
“….Perhaps…..”
Mason mumbled and carefully approached Noah. When he lifted up the canopy, he could see Noah’s hair spilling out from under the blankets. Mason touched his hair.
Just as he thought, the blond hair underneath the blanket was drenched wet with sweat.
“……”
He could hear the small sound clearer. It was a painful breathing sound mixed with sobbing. The body underneath the blanket was trembling.
Mason sighed quietly. ‘Should I just leave, pretending not to have seen it?’ When Noah acted like this, it wasn’t something Mason could do anything about anyway. It wasn’t something he should care about, and also he was in the owner’s room in secret without permission.
“……”
But even as he thought that he should just ignore it, his hands were already carefully pulling down the blanket.
Noah’s beautiful face appeared, huddled between his arms. The face was drenched wet with sweat and extremely pale. Tears were streaking from his eyes, and his pretty lips were closed but panting heavily.
‘Save me, rescue me, help me please’, Noah was begging while crying. He was murmuring endlessly to save and rescue him and begged in fear.
It was no different from ten years ago. No, because he has grown so confident, generous and beautiful, Noah seemed smaller than from 10 years ago.
‘Do I have an illness. Why can’t I just leave?’ Mason clicked his tongue lowly and stretched out his hand.
Noah’s wet and soft hair wrapped around his fingers. When he removed his hair from his warm forehead, a side of Noah’s face appeared, both pitiful and beautiful.
… He is indeed pretty….
Mason sat on the bed and touched Noah’s hair. Rather than comforting, what if he was simply fulfilling his desires? Mason thought it was somewhere in between and kept fiddling with Noah’s soft hair.
“Has a lot of money, is smart and pretty…. I wish he could live well too.”
‘How can he live without knowing that the world is a scary and a vicious place? I hope he eats and lives well enough to make everyone jealous,' Mason mumbled while touching his hair.
He had been unlucky only once. And probably because of dissociative amnesia, he can’t even remember the details, and it had already been 20 years. So why was he in so much pain like this?
Mason felt that, Noah who was having a nightmare still looked like a seven-year-old child trapped inside the luggage. Mason felt so pitiful and sympathetic that he tasted bitterness in his mouth.
“….It’s nothing. It’s nothing.”
‘Bad things have all passed, and there is nothing to be scared of anymore’, Mason murmured in a low voice. He didn’t think Noah would be listening and so he went on.
“So….”
‘So don’t cry like this by yourself’, Mason was about to murmur, but Noah’s lips, wet with tears, moved.
“…..”
Mason stared at his eyes dripping with tears.
“….don’t.”
‘Don’t go. Don’t leave me’, Noah was saying. Mason swallowed his dried spit.
‘Don’t go….’
He remembered another desperate voice. It was the voice of a child who stopped him after he rescued him out of a travelling luggage and was about to call the ambulance. And begging hands that were scarily hot with fever.
“…..”
Mason stared at Noah’s big hands and before he knew, it was grabbing onto his clothes. Just like when he was a child, earnestly and desperately.
Instead of hugging Noah just like the last time, he touched his forehead, which was sweating cold sweats.
‘Indeed, he is difficult’, Mason thought while staring at Noah’s hands grabbing onto his clothes. It was difficult and dangerous. If he had grabbed onto it stronger and hit him, he could somehow manage to escape, but he couldn’t shake off this trembling hand grabbing onto it. He wanted to sit down and hug him right away.
“…..”
Mason bitterly thought that it would’ve been better if they hadn’t met again. Instead it would be better for him to think once in a while that, somewhere, Noah was eating and living well. Of course, except for having a nightmare like this sometimes, it seemed like he did eat and live well, but after seeing him in this state, Mason couldn’t feel comfortable.
Mason stared at Noah’s hands and sighed. He said,
“…It’ll be all right.”
Just like how other people rescued him when Mason left Noah to call an ambulance with a heavy foot, Noah will be okay. Thoughts of, ‘It can’t be if it’s not me,’ ‘I want to save him,’ made Mason feel annoyed and troublesome in his head, but he tried his best to think rationally.
Mason removed Noah’s hand that was trembling as he held him. The hand that was drenched wet with cold sweat came off very easily and dropped on the bed. Mason sighed quietly. Why does he feel unhappy even though it was him who removed the hand? Mason worried about himself, about how easily he turned into a retard if it was anything related to Noah and stood up.
“…..going, …-son,”
‘I should just leave quickly’, Mason thought he should just run away but was startled when he heard a quiet begging voice behind his back and turned to look at him.
‘… Did he just now call Mason, me?’ -Mason blinked and peered at him. Noah was panting and biting his lips. Mason stared at his face, which was crying like he was sad, mad, and painful at something and clicked his tongue and turned away again.
‘I just heard it wrong’. Mason worried if he was actually started to go crazy and picked up the bag he’d left on the floor.
“-…ason, Ma…,”
Mason, who had turned away, looked at Noah again. This time he definitely wasn’t hearing things. ‘Did he really just call out my name?’ Mason moved his lips and gasped.
Mason paused, stopping to breathe. Noah, who was sleeping, had opened his eyes. He blinked and opened his green eyes wide in surprise as the tears gathered in them dropped onto the bed.
“No, ….Mr. Raycarlton.”
“Will you please let it go?” Mason said, pointing to his wrist that was caught firmly by him. Noah’s left hand that Mason had just removed was strongly and painfully grabbing onto Mason’s right wrist.
Blink. Noah blinked his eyes one more time. The wet, long lashes looked dramatic.
“…Where are you going…?”
“Pardon? What do you mean….,”
‘He wasn’t even asking why I was here but asked where I was going’. Mason wondered what kind of question this was and answered, “My room….,” then with a strong pain in his arm, the world spun.
“-!”
Mason inhaled a moan and curled his body. Very quickly his back was touching the bedsheet. Noah had pulled down and tossed Mason, who had been standing, on the bed. Mason’s breath stopped at the shock and he raised his head frowning, “What’s this…?”
“….,”
Noah was looking down at him, expressionless. ‘Hiccup!’ Mason gasped and turned his head to see that Noah had caged him in with both of his arms.
“Um, Mr. Raycarlton…..,”
‘The position looks very strange, and you are scary… ‘, Mason stuttered, and Noah asked slowly,
“Why….”
“Why are you here?”
“Ah, that is…”
Mason rolled his eyes and said, “I thought this was my room, so I came in.”
“You want me to believe that…-, -Aha.”
Noah moved his eyes and saw the black bag lying on the floor. He nodded his head in comprehension.
“You came to take your bag.”
Noah said it gently than he’d have imagined. Like, ‘Yes, that can happen.’
“I was going to return it right away. I forgot about it yesterday, and today too… I remembered in the afternoon, and I thought of giving it to you after dinner, but I forgot about it once again.”
‘I wasn’t going to keep it.’ Mason nodded when he heard Noah’s quiet explanation. There wasn’t any item that he would want in it anyway. To a man who said that the yacht was annoying, there was no reason that a few bundles of money, fake passports and the picture of dead people were important.
“I didn’t misunderstand or anything. Also you are not that kind of a person…”
Mason was about to just smile and stand up. He thought he could just apologize for scaring him and leave the room amicably after Noah naturally moves to aside.
“….Can you move your arms?”
Noah glanced at his arms and returned, “Arms?” Mason thought, ‘Something is weird. Why is he acting like an idiot…?’ Hearing Noah’s unconvincingly guileless tone Mason tried once again.
“Yes. I’m trying to stand up, but your arms are blocking me.”
Noah stared at Mason’s face and looked at his arms again. “Ahhh!” He murmured quietly as if got Mason’s point. ‘Why is he like this. Is he not fully awake?’ Mason smiled at him slightly and Noah, who had been expressionless, smiled slightly too.
“Then now, common,”
Mason held Noah’s shoulders to move his arms, but Noah turned expressionless again and said.
“I don’t want to.”
“….Huh?”
Mason thought he heard it wrong and asked again. Noah stretched out his arms and grabbed Mason’s hair and pulled it lightly.
“Ugh,”
Mason got up as his hair was pulled, and Noah whispered into Mason’s ears.
“Where do you think you are going?”
His knee firmly pressed between Mason’s legs. Mason felt goosebumps and looked at Noah with a frozen expression. He tilted his head like he was puzzled and said.
“When you’ve wet your lower body dirty like this?”
