When would it be? When would he ever get to be happy?
Assisi was in tears while his father’s whispers would always go around his head.
‘If you become kind, you can.’
Thus, Assisi tried to be kind. He listened well, didn’t cry, and endured every pain given to him. He just held on. All because he wanted to be happy.
Looking back at it now, he realized how desperate he had been, but at that time, it was the only truth Assisi knew. If he chose not to believe those words, there was no other way he would have lived. Even when everyone denied that method of living, he clung to it.
If that weren’t true, then he had nothing left.
No matter how painful and difficult times were, he never accepted others’ love. He didn’t want to believe that truth, which was really true. Everyone tried to tell him, but he couldn’t get himself to believe it.
Why was he even alive if he wasn’t loved?
No matter how good and kind he was, he never felt happy.
As if making fun of Assisi, happiness always fled to places he couldn’t reach. Thus, he gave up on happiness.
After that, everything felt comfortable.
Then, Caitel, who had been burned to death at thirteen, returned at nineteen.
Caitel’s rebellion spewed a bloody scent on the former Agrigient country. Assisi’s father was swept away by the madness and sword in Caitel’s hand.
It was an effortless task to kill down the women who never held a sword in their hands. Assisi never knew that his father, who was always looking and wanted his mother back, would kill her. By the time Assisi went into his mother’s room, the deed had been done.
“You are here.”
Soaked in her blood, Assisi’s father greeted.
“Come one now. I’ll send you with her. Let’s all go away together!”
Raising his sword could prevent it, but the man was his father, way older than Assisi, a man experienced in the blade. Meanwhile, Assisi couldn’t lift his weapon.
“You are a cursed child. You will take everyone to hell. Even if you die, this won’t end. You are the devil himself!”
He thought that it couldn’t be true. No, he was dissatisfied with everything. Was he really a cursed child who made his parents unhappy? Was that why his father and mother were apart? Was it all his fault? He tried to deny it, kept on denying it.
However, the sight before him destroyed everything. Misfortune everywhere: things were hard to get used to. The pain felt so familiar. He could feel himself alive despite his burning skin.
The sight which unfolded right in front of him was fierce.
“Don’t die.”
When he woke up, his father or the sword was no more. Only a man on the ground, holding his mother.
“You can’t die.”
Caitel’s low voice. As he lifted his head, he only saw Caitel gasping for breath in a pool of blood.
“Get up.”
It didn’t matter that he cut down his father. Too much had happened to care about it.
“There is no reason for you to die.”
They didn’t mind the blood around them; that was when Caitel spoke to the silent Assisi.
“Why die in the hands of that human, stupid.”
A red blood dripping blade on the ground.
The sight made Assisi miserable.
It didn’t matter what happened. Even if Assisi died, he wouldn’t regret the moment.
Because that was his life, and death didn’t scare him at all.
However, the fact that he wasn’t loved cut him deeper than a sword. He felt so hurt that he forgot to feel pain.
“Why am I the only one alive?”
“How would I know that?”
An indifferent and cold response.
Assisi shook his head. He didn’t know, but there was one thing he understood.
He lifted his father’s sword on the floor. The blood-soaked sword was in a disgusting shade of red. Caitel felt nervous but didn’t move to take him down. He wasn’t trying to commit suicide; he wanted to die, but he couldn’t.
Because he knew that if he died, he would never be saved.
Assisi dropped the sword and knelt on the ground.
“I will be Your Majesty’s knight. I will pay for the sins of my parents on this earth. This is a life Your Majesty saved, so please use me.”
His reason to live was gone, but he couldn’t die.
“So I pay for my sins.”
Tears fell from both their eyes.
“Please kill me.”
He thought that he wouldn’t be accepted. He believed that a dirt-covered kid like Assisi would never be acknowledged. However, Caitel’s answer came as a shock.
“Okay.”
His lord, who neither pushed nor approached anyone.
Such a man had held Assisi’s hand.
“But if you are with me, you will never be saved.” Said Caitel.
“It’s fine.”
Assisi raised his head while still holding onto Caitel’s hand.
“Even if I will never be saved. I will use my life for you.”
A warm hand comforted him.
Arca III
Hadeian calendar 519, 16th of July, by Ferdel.
We don’t know if our Ria is a genius or a criminal.
Sometimes she would have brilliant ideas, but her immaturity shows when I placed her vision into practice.
Caitel thought his child, Ria, is some kind of genius.
Bloody funny!
Hadeian calendar 526, 16th of September, raining.
I don’t know how long I have been writing down this diary. Sometimes, the Prime Minister is a small role, but this small role is a massive change for His Majesty.
Hadeian Calendar 528, 12th of May, stormy winds are blowing.
I am just happy that Ria is growing up. I feel bad since she doesn’t have a birth mother with her, but seeing the princess follow me around, I feel bad for her. When she was young, she wouldn’t even eat her meal with me beside her, but now she is growing into an adult without me…
Hadean Calendar 528, 6th of June.
… Caitel stupid bastard.
-diary of an unknown person found inside the palace-
