Thud.
The safety guard threw the lion down onto the ground.
Rumble rumble.
Everyone gathered around to look at it.
“What…what is this…” Areum said, finally being able to close his mouth.
“It’s a lion. Can’t you tell?” I said with a big smile. Areum’s face was priceless. His usually wide shoulders were slumped in defeat as he stared.
“How did you catch him…”
“What do you mean how? I hit him.”
Junho and Lobster Head immediately nodded in agreement. Hey, they actually saw the real thing.
“You hit it?!” Byung-hoon exclaimed, still looking on in disbelief.
“Yeah, well, it just happened. You can hear the full story from Mr. Yoo later. I want pork.”
At that, everyone stared at me, clearly questioning whether I was even human. I, on the other hand, was staring at the warthog roasting so beautifully over the fire. It looked so good. I was so hungry.
“Oh, we can’t eat the lion. We’re going to give it to the locals. Otherwise, there could be problems.”
At that, everyone just nodded.
***
Lunch was warthog. I wanted lion, but oh well, it couldn’t be helped.
“It’s good.”
It really was. I’ve never had warthog this good before. It just melted in your mouth.
“It really is,” Miyeon said. She was practically inhaling her pieces.
“Hey Sian,” Byung-hoon said, taking a seat next to me.
“Yes?”
“Did you really catch that lion?”
“Yes.”
“How?” Byung-hoon asked.
“The lion jumped over the fence.”
“And?”
“His foot got caught on the fence, then he fell headfirst.”
“And?”
“He wouldn’t get up.”
“And?”
“Turns out he hit his head.”
“And?”
“And his neck snapped.”
“Wow.”
Byung-hoon shook his head in disbelief. I had to laugh at the look on his face – it was really funny.
“I guess his skull was already fractured because he only took one hit from me and he went down.”
“How…is that possible…”
Of course, it’s not possible.
“Well, if you don’t believe me, ask the lion,” I said, gesturing to the dead lion behind us. Of course, the lion was silent.
“Well…why….” Byung-hoon looked at the lion and shook his head again.
“Weren’t you scared?” he asked.
“Not really,” I said with a shrug. Byung-hoon’s jaw dropped. He gave me the finger, using the old Samaran sign language of praise. I returned it in full.
“But what’s up with them?” I said, pointing at the other team. They looked downtrodden. Then again, they were probably shocked by today’s events. They probably never expected anyone to show up with a full-on lion. They couldn’t have done it themselves. So, for me to actually bring a lion was definitely the last thing they expected. After that, I walked over to the lion, took its tail, and dragged it over to the other team.
“Hey.”
“Yes?”
“You can look at it more if you want,” I said, placing the lion in front of them. Their heads drooped. I smirked.
‘Pitiful.’
***
After lunch, we had a little break. We waited to hear our next mission. Off in the distance, I could see the producers and writers talking about something. By the looks of their faces, it seemed serious.
“Is something wrong?” Miyeon asked, staring at them.
“Looks like it,” I replied. That’s when I realized that Miyeon was sitting real close to me. I get that she likes me, but doesn’t she realize how suspicious this looks?
“Miyeon?”
“Yeah?”
Miyeon gazed at me with hearts in her eyes and an adoring smile. She’s pulling out all the stops, isn’t she? But it’s not going to work. I have my principles. I’m not going to try anything with anyone until I’m a man again. Not that there’s any guarantee that I will. That’s why it’s so difficult.
“You seem…a little too close…”
“So?”
Miyeon pressed herself against me even more, pressing her breasts against my ribcage. She wasn’t wearing a bra…shit.
“Well…um…”
Well, I guess it was okay. Everyone was too busy looking at the lion to even pay attention to anything else. It’s not like they…wouldn’t stare at anything else. It was then I began to realize that people were stealing glances at me and Miyeon. Then again, two pretty girls sitting together were bound to get attention. Especially with my angelic appearance. To think that I used to be so fat in the past. It’s like that story where the bear ate garlic for 100 days to become a beautiful woman. Anyways, I wanted to know what the producers were talking about, so I drew up my powers to increase my hearing.
“Which is why it makes no sense,” the main producer said.
“What? Catching the lion?” Lobster Head said.
“Yeah. How is it possible?”
“But it’s true.”
“Then what are we going to do about the other hunting trips? Sian is going to win all of them.”
“I guess,” Lobster Head said.
“I mean, there was the whole thing with the fishing.”
“That was cool though.”
“Should we just forgo other hunting missions?” the main producer said, looking worried.
“What else is there to do here though?” the writer asked. Everyone sighed.
“Come up with some other ideas. The other team has to do well too, otherwise the viewers will get bored. Sian’s team is winning everything.”
“To be honest, it feels kind of nice. All the other team did was make fun of us. Saying that it was like going on a picnic.”
“That’s true,” the producer admitted with a smirk. Everyone else laughed sheepishly.
“Oh, Mr. Lee. I have an idea,” Lobster Head said, raising his hand. Everyone turned their attention to him.
“What is it?”
“We set a destination and have each team try to find it.”
“Won’t they get lost?”
“That’s why it’s more fun. And with the other team being all experts, they’ll be able to find their way right away. That means they’re bound to win this one.”
“Oh, that’s a good idea. I doubt Sian would be that good at finding directions.”
“Mr. Park tells me she’s terrible with directions.”
“Yeah? Okay, good. Let’s make that the second mission then.”
“Okay.”
Everyone nodded.
“I’m bad with directions?”
I smirked. It only looks that way because I’m not interested in stuff like that, but I’m not bad at it. I was a Commander back where I’m from. Compared to a battlefield, this is nothing.
“You want diction?”
“?”
What the hell is Miyeon talking about? But just then, the main producer asked for our attention.
“Everyone, gather around please. ”
Everyone circled around him, or more like waddled. We all had so much pork that we were stuffed. I could feel the food coma hitting us.
As soon as we gathered, the producer opened his trap…I mean, mouth.
“We’ll now tell you your second mission.”
That caught everyone’s attention. At least, Byung-hoon stood at rapt attention. The other team was still slumped in defeat. Was the lion that big of a deal? Anyways, the producer kept speaking.
“The second mission is about finding your way. What do I mean? Well, we’re going to give each team a map and a compass. You have to use those to find a destination that we have selected.”
The producer held up a map and a compass. The other team’s faces brightened at that. They looked like their old, confident selves again. My team, on the other hand, all looked at each other. Byung-hoon looked especially worried. I don’t think anything like this has ever been done on this show. Usually, the staff will set up something controlled and we just have to play along with it. This was entirely new for Byung-hoon.
“We’ll definitely win this one,” Areum said. That man and his mouth. He just doesn’t know how to keep it shut. He turned to look towards Byung-hoon.
“We’ll definitely win this one, Byung-hoon. We can do stuff like this in our sleep. Do you even know how to read a compass? Or a map? I bet not. You usually have your staff do everything for you. Isn’t that right?”
“….”
Byung-hoon didn’t say anything. Though judging by his face, I could see that he was not pleased.
“I can’t hear you, Chief.”
“I don’t want to say anything.”
“Ha! You mean you can’t!” Areum jeered.
“But you know, Areum, is this a concept for a character you’re developing? Being a jerk and making fun of us?” Byung-hoon asked.
“I’m just stating facts.”
“Then shut your mouth, you bastard.”
Finally, Byung-hoon was saying how he felt. This was the first time I’ve ever seen him get mad while filming. Then again, he’s put up with a lot. If I were him, I would’ve snapped Areum’s neck off a long time ago.
“What did you say?”
“I said shut up, you bastard. You deaf?” Byung-hoon said. He stepped forward, but Junho quickly jumped in front of him.
“What did you just call me? You asshole!”
Areum held up his skewer and stepped forward, but his own team members quickly stepped in front of him. Soon, the both of us were standing in between in them. It was escalating that quickly.
“You bastard!”
“You fucking piece of shit!”
“What?! You asshole! You’ll pay for that!”
“Kiss my ass, you prick!”
The two continued to shout at each other, getting louder and louder. Unfortunately, there were so many people between them that it never fully came to blows. Shame.
‘Come on…just one punch. Come on…’
I really wanted to see a fight. I wanted an opportunity to jump in and throw some punches myself, especially at Areum. I initially considered pulling his tongue out entirely, but that seemed cruel, so pass. But still, I sat there, hoping for a chance. But unfortunately, in the end, no fists came out as the fight ended rather eventlessly.
“Hmph. Too bad.”
“Huh? What is?” Miyeon asked me.
“Nothing,” I said with a smile.
After a while, the tension died around as everyone became busy preparing for the match.
“Here’s your map and compass. Think you can do it?”
“Of course,” Byung-hoon said with determination. He had no plans to lose today.
“But what if we get lost?” Junho asked, looking concerned.
“We’ll be there with you, so don’t worry. Even if you get lost, we’ll help you find your way. After all, we have these,” Lobster Head said, waving his walkie-talkie. He then continued.
“But don’t ask us for help, because we won’t.”
“Of course,” Byung-hoon said.
“You should’ve punched him when you had the chance,” I said.
Byung-hoon nodded.
“I know. Just thinking about it makes me angry.”
He looked up at the sky and took a deep breath. Yeah, him getting angry was understandable. No one likes to be looked down on like that. Byung-hoon was human too, after all.
“Next time, you should. I’ll help you.”
At those words, Junho and Lobster Head looked appalled.
