Gumihou: Lots of explanation, which means lots of stiff and awkward dialogue for Gumi to fix
“Aruji?” the Ancient Dragon rumbled.
“We are that human’s familiars,” explained Fer. “The Pixie Dragon is one of us too.”
When the Ancient Dragon turned its rugged face towards me, I could feel my balls shrinking away. Hey, don’t look down on me. Having a huge dragon staring directly at you will do that. Even Dora-chan had frozen in place.
“The one who could fight me to a draw is now a familiar of that little human [5a]?”
Uuh, me? A little? I guess to an Ancient Dragon humans are rather tiny? [5b]
From what I have heard, Ancient Dragons were supposed to be old. Like, really, really old, old enough to be thought of as ‘Ancient’
Suddenly, deep, powerful laughter echoed inside the huge cave.
“Guhahahahaha!”
The Ancient Dragon was slapping the floor with one of his forepaws and laughing.
“Guhahahaha, you a familiar of that?? Guhahaha, if you want to make up a story, make a better one.” [5]
“Humph, you laugh because you don’t know the reason why I became that human’s familiar. [8]”
“Oh?” [5] the Ancient Dragon stared at me again.
Being stared at by such a huge beast was unnerving. I began to stammer, “Ah, no, that is…” [5]
“”Uncle Dragon, Aruji makes really yummy food~~””
“Food?”
“”Yes, Uncle Fer became Aruji’s familiar because of food~~””
“Oi!” [5]
[8] “Wait, did you really sell your dignity as a legendary predator for food?” [5b]
[8] “What about it?” Fer began to growl, “You say I sell myself for food? Well, I didn’t. I sold myself for very good food. Since I have to eat to survive, I might as well eat something excellent. Humph, as expected, an old geezer with no taste wouldn’t understand.”
[5] [8] “What? You’re nothing against a gourmet dragon like me.”
[8] “A gourmet? Hah! You just eat your food raw.”
As I watch the escalating argument with increasing anxiety, I thought, Fer-san, you were the same as the Ancient Dragon not too long ago…
“Nothing is better than raw meat still dripping with warm blood.”
[8] “Hah! What kind of gourmet just feed on raw meat?”
“Gununununu…” the Ancient Dragon was glaring at Fer. Suddenly the glare was turned towards me. “So, you’re saying that this human could make food that is better than fresh meat.”
“Uhm…”
“Oi, little man. Feed me the food that turned this Fenrir into your familiar.”
[8] “Aah…” [5]
“Why should we feed you? There’s no food for you here, you old geezer! You’re not even his familiar, so why should he feed you?!” [5]
“Humph, how stingy. Well, I refuse to fight until I get something to eat.”
“What are you saying?!”
“I’m saying I refuse to fight a stingy Fenrir who refuses to let me eat food made by that little human.”
“Gununu, weren’t we supposed to settle our duel?”
“Hmph, I don’t care.”
…what is going on?
Why are these two titans arguing about me feeding them?
Isn’t this argument kind of pointless?
Dora-chan was similarly disillusioned, “”So, this is what a Ancient Dragon is like…””
“”What a disappointment,”” I answered back via telepathy. I mean, I’m not stupid enough to openly diss them, but telepathy gives me plausible deniability.
Finally, after a ‘Hump, if you don’t want a fight. Fine!’ Fer stomped over to us.
“So… what now?” I asked. [5c]
“”Don’t tell me we have to go back the hard way, I’m not trekking through that field of snow again,”” said Dora-chan indignantly.
“Hey, um, here’s a thought. Do we have to defeat the Ancient Dragon? Or, is destroying that Black Dragon enough to make the magic circle appear?”
We all stared at the twitching Black Dragon that had slid down the wall and was now twitching pathetically on the ground.
“Umu, I met this guy outside. So, he is not part of this dungeon.”
“So, if we defeat the Black Dragon, will a magic circle appear?” [5]
“Humph, even if a magic circle appear, do you think that fellow would let us leave?”
“Ahh…”
“”Aruji~ Aruji~ Sui is hungry~~””
“Oh, Sui. Sorry, we’re talking about something important here, could you wait a bit?” [5d]
[9]
“”Mu…””
“Sui!”
“Wait, fufufu, mwahahahaha!”
“Er, Fer?”
“What an excellent idea, Sui! Indeed, let us eat! Make us a feast, master!”
“Uh, okay. Are we feeding the Ancient Dragon too?”
“No, we are going to feast, and that guy is going to watch. That will be my revenge against that old geezer!”
“A… revenge?”
“Exactly, we shall eat deliciously in front of him.”
“Isn’t this… kind of mean?”
“Exactly.”
“… …”
“Make sure to cook something luxurious, make it smell good too. Fufufufufu.”
Fer’s laughter was very villainous.
I looked at the Ancient Dragon, then at the still laughing Fer.
Uh, you know what? I’ll just… make extra food. Loads of extra. It was well and good for Fer to want revenge against an Ancient Dragon. However, I have no intention of offending a creature capable of swallowing me in one gulp.
Let’s make lots of extras.
As for Fer’s request for something that ‘smells good’, hmm, maybe something with garlic?
Yes, let’s make ‘that’.
[Gumihou: Yeah, a third of this chapter was just erased]
[1] Structural Change: Combine 2 paragraphs
[2] Structural Change: Combine 3 paragraphs
[3] Structural Change: Combine paragraph & dialogue
[4] Structural Change: Change passive sentence to dialogue
[5] Delete Repetitive or Pointless Information… starting to delete pointless scenes now
[a] Delete the scene where he wondered how the Ancient Dragon understand Sui etc etc
[b] Delete all mention of ‘dwarfish human’, replace with ‘little human’. I think the joke doesn’t work here.
[c] Delete scene where Mukouda ‘tries to calm Fer’. Serves no purpose.
[d] Shorten the very long and ploddy scene where they ‘plotted’ to eat in front of the Ancient Dragon as revenge.
[6] Additional Information for Aesthetic Purpose
[7] Add Dialogue Tag
[8] Creative License – … fix dialogue…
[9] Redid scene for [5d]
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