Sometime later, Shen Xue closed his niece’s door and went downstairs only to find Lu Xiulan asleep on the couch, snoring lightly. He wasn’t surprised at all since the twins could be a handful at times, and it was past midnight already.
Since their arrival from Country A, this woman avoided him like a plague. He hadn’t talked to her for almost two years now and wondered where they went wrong.
Shen Xue pulled the spare blanket that was draped on the arm of the couch and covered her with it. He sat beside her and sighed.
Looking over at the sleeping woman beside him, he couldn’t help but notice that this was one of those rare times that she let her expressionless mask down. She looked so peaceful, and every now and then, her expression would change as she dreamed.
Lu Xiulan stirred in her sleep, pressure on her left arm woke her up. Blinking her sleepiness away, she slowly registered her surroundings. She remembered her cousin giving her a call the day before and asked her for a favor to look over the children. She must have fallen asleep after she tucked in the twins on their bed.
The question on her mind was answered when she heard another person, groaning beside her and stirring. Her eyes widened slightly when she saw Shen Xue sleeping on the couch next to her.
“Hey, wake up.” Lu Xiulan nudged him with her shoulder. “It’s already morning.” She wondered why he hadn’t gone up last night to the spare bedroom instead of sleeping next to her.
“Morning…” Shen Xue pulled himself away from her and rubbed his eyes. He slept on the couch? No wonder his back was hurting.
As soon as Shen Xue released her, Lu Xiulan went to the kitchen to make coffee. A soft yawn coming from the kitchen doorway caught her attention as she poured herself a cup of coffee. She reached out for another cup for him.
Shen Xue leaned against the door frame as he watched her.
“Are you always up this early?” he asked, gesturing to the clock that showed 6 am.
“I actually slept in a little,” Lu Xiulan said sheepishly as she passed the other cup to him.
Shen Xue led them back to the living room and heard her sigh as she sat down on the same couch they shared last night.
“How long do you plan to avoid me?” came Shen Xue’s question which caught her off-guard.
“I-I avoid you?” Lu Xiulan wasn’t expecting for him to talk about them.
Two years ago, after they came back from Country A, Shen Xue asked her to go out with him. The first time he’d asked her, she thought he was joking; but the second time he did and kissed her, she didn’t know how to react.
“You didn’t?” Shen Xue tilted his head on one side as he regarded her. “Had I known you’ll avoid me and refuse to see me, I shouldn’t have confessed to you.”
He initially thought that he was ready for the consequences, but reality said otherwise.
Lu Xiulan was probably the smartest and funniest person he knew; so falling for her wasn’t something he had any control over. Over the months they worked together, Shen Xue’s feelings and attraction grew more. ρꪖꪕᦔꪖꪕꪫꪣꫀꪶ
However, he was also aware that there was another man who held her heart, but he was willing to fight for her. What he didn’t expect was Lu Xiulan’s silent treatment towards him since then.
Although he was able to see her during his brother’s family events, Lu Xiulan was elusive and always left before everyone did. She neither picked up nor answered his calls which frustrated him further.
Was she shutting him down? Was this her answer, or did she need time to sort out her feelings?
“I’m sorry, Shen Xue. It is just I don’t know how to answer you before.” Lu Xiulan lowered her head in shame.
She used to be a confident woman who showed and later on told her inner feelings. However, as she grew tired of love and learned the pain and rejections of life, she realized that in this present moment, she was now distant and had closed the door of taking the idea of risking it for love again.
Lu Xiulan learned from the previous heartaches she had that not all risks would create impact and, in fact, build walls around her. It wasn’t that she didn’t believe in love anymore. It was just that it’d take a long process for her to accept it.
“So do you know how to answer me now?” he asked, his eyes fixated on hers. “Lu Xiulan, I rarely give an exception, but if it’s you, I don’t care how many days or weeks I should wait. Just don’t cut me off for good.”
Lu Xiulan lifted her head and stared at him wide-eyed. She opened her mouth to say something, but none came out. Almost two years had passed, and yet he remained here, waiting for her answer?
Was he stupid? Other people would have forgotten about her by that time. Two years was a long time. She never met someone who could waste two full years for someone without any assurance. Tears welled up her eyes.
“Keep choosing me…” she told him, and it was Shen Xue’s turn to be confused by her words.
“What?” He couldn’t understand what she was talking about.
“Keep choosing me if you want to keep me. You need to understand that I’m damaged, Shen Xue. You deserve someone who can give you everything they had which I couldn’t, but I’ll be selfish this time.” Her tears were now spilling from her eyes as she continued, “There would be nights you’ll find me on the floor curled up on a floor and might shut everyone out. I will need reassurance; I will need you. Don’t hold me if you don’t intend to keep me. Shen Xue, can you do this?”
Lu Xiulan was tired of being alone, tired of being an option. She’d forgotten how to be truly happy and was content to keep a mask to hide her insecurities and tears. How many times would she let herself be a second choice before she could understand that there were no runner-ups in love?
If she was going to be totally honest with herself, she had been overjoyed and confused at the same time when Shen Xue kissed her. Over the months she hadn’t seen him or talked to him, she had eventually come to terms with the idea that she had indeed fallen for her cousin’s brother-in-law.
Lu Xinyi once told her that the right love wouldn’t confuse her, that it won’t give her mixed signals and doubt even herself. She truly wished she could experience that kind of love that her cousin and Shen Yi had.
“Keep choosing you? Is that all? That’s easy.” Shen Xue chuckled and put his mug down at the table separating them. This time, he wouldn’t wait anymore and wonder if he could work up the courage to confront her. He was going to make sure he wouldn’t lose her again this time.
“I’ll keep choosing you, and you can’t force me to leave you, Lu Xiulan. You better keep your words as I have no intention of letting you go.”
