His battles senses awakened immediately, clearing his mind and priming his body. Lith remembered how after reaching Belius, he had noticed that his pain and suffering had decreased remarkably.
The mental relief had been so intoxicating that he felt like he could break a random stranger's neck with the same ease he could order a beer. His conscience remained as dead as a doornail until someone bumped into him and Lith almost gave in to his impulses.
Until he thought about what his family, Kamila, and Solus would think of him if he actually did it. Only then did he regain his common sense. He could easily make up a lie for the local constables, but he couldn't lie to them.
'Is this really who I am without Solus and without a mission? Do I really not give a rat's ass about other people's lives?' It took barely a single minute to admit to himself that the answer was "yes" to both questions.
Just like back when he was still a kid on Mogar, he didn't care about hurting others as long as he was certain he could get away with it. Yet all those years since then had changed him enough to realize how wrong it was, to the point that he was almost scared of himself.
His next move had been going to a bar to drink. Alcohol made him softer and more susceptible to emotions. Lith drank until he was certain he would think about it at least twice before offing someone for petty reasons.
Only then did he go to Kamila's home, where he fell asleep due to the boredom of waiting.
'Whoever bound me is about to enter in a world of pain once I…' His angry train of thought derailed when a simple air spell lifted the bedsheet revealing Kamila snuggled up between his arms wearing a thin nightgown.
"Is that a spell in your hand, or are you just happy to see me?" She asked with a sleepy voice as the small storm in Lith's right hand faded away.
"How did we end up like this?" Lith asked pointing at his left arm and leg stuck under her body.
"Well, when I returned home last night, someone had one drink too many and screwed up all my plans for our evening." She sighed while thinking about the time and effort she had wasted to come up with a way to console him and pick up his favourite dishes from their favourite restaurant.
"Then, as soon as I got in bed, you clamped me like a bear trap and here I am."
Lith checked his pocket watch, discovering it was quite late in the morning.
"Why didn't you wake me up? You should be at work already." Lith felt like an idiot, yet he didn't let go of her. Kamila's warmth was keeping the cold, indifferent void his mind experienced while Lith was away from Solus at bay.
"Don't worry about that. I took sick leave to take care of a relative in need." She replied with a giggle. Kamila didn't have the heart to wake him up, nor to leave him alone after what he had gone through.
Little did she know that the nightmares she had witnessed Lith experiencing had nothing to do with the wargs. Alcohol was a double edged sword which opened old wounds related to his brother's death.
"I'm not your relative and as far as I know all leave had been revoked. This could get you in trouble. Why did you do that?"
"Because you looked like you needed it." Her loving smile warmed Lith's heart and so did her words when he realized they were the same he had used during his birthday party.
"Besides, according to the law I have no family, and after ten years of loyal service I doubt someone will care about a couple days off." Kamila noticed that despite Lith seeming to have completely recovered, his hands were shaking.
She pulled the blankets back up, hugging him tightly as she tried to understand why he felt so cold.
"What do you mean, no family? I remember you talking to me about your parents and your siblings." Lith tensed up, thinking that Kamila had lied to him right from the start.
Lith pushed her far enough away to look her in the eyes while questioning her. His voice sounded much colder than usual. Kamila swallowed a lump of saliva along with her feelings. His lack of trust hurt her.
"I think it's time to talk about those sad things I often mention but always gloss over." She said with a sad voice. Reopening old wounds was painful, but the sudden gap that had appeared between them was much worse.
During the past few months, every time Lith had given her his report on the army amulet, he would later call her from his civilian one to share his feelings about his missions, the loneliness he experienced in the wilds, or simply to enjoy her company.
He had opened up to her little by little, whereas she had kept him in the dark about her past.
'It's better if I explain everything to him now instead of letting this grow into a stupid misunderstanding. The gods know both of us have no need for useless drama.' She thought.
Kamila told him about how she had escaped from her family to avoid an arranged marriage, how she had gotten disowned by her father, and how she had later returned the favor once they had tried to manipulate her again.
"Why didn't you mention any of this before?" Lith inwardly sighed in relief as his doubts were replaced by empathy. Kamila's parents reminded him of his own back on Earth, making him feel compassion for her and bloodlust for them.
"Because at first, it was none of your business." She said with a firm tone, never averting her gaze.
"I don't go around dumping my problems or my baggage on complete strangers.
"I agreed when you asked me out because you were the first mage who ever gave me a second glance and also because I was curious about Lith Verhen, the Kingdom's new golden boy. I never expected things to develop this way.
"I'm afraid of commitment, and I thought that between our difference in social standing and the age gap, you would have soon lost interest in me." Then, she lowered her eyes.
"After Othre, the camellia, and meeting your sister, I still didn't tell you because I was afraid of driving you away. Let's be honest, I have nothing to offer besides a troublesome past and an uphill career…"
Lith drew Kamila close to him and held her tenderly.
"That's bullshit, you have a lot to offer. And since we are talking about sad stuff…" Lith told her about his early years. About the cold, the hunger, his two brothers, and Tista's illness.
"Wow, Orpal really was a dick! He and my brother Kaz could be best friends." She blurted out while snuggling between Lith's arms again. They spent the next hour not saying anything, just thinking about each other's past while exchanging cuddles.
"Do you want to stay in bed a bit longer, or do you want to try the delicacy I've been practicing?" Kamila asked when Lith's stomach repeated grumblings broke the tenderness of the moment.
Aside from the beer, he hadn't eaten anything since he had left Maekosh.
