Though Nezha was a bit slower, both girls recovered pretty quickly as Wu crossed her arms and teased, “It seems we have a little voyeur on our hands. Tell me, did you enjoy our little bonding session~?”
Waving his hand in a ‘so-so’ manner, Vahn casually replied, “It looked a little forceful but otherwise pretty decent. If I was interested in watching two little girls make out, I might have enjoyed it a bit more.”
Snorting through her nose, Wu unfolded her arms to reveal a much larger pair of breasts than the ones that had been present previously. She was the creator of the 72 Transformations Technique, so, while her agreement with the Buddhist Faction prevented her from disguising herself as others, Wu could still use it to disguise as an alternate version of herself.
“You say that but I don’t see any apprehension in your eyes. You also wouldn’t go out of your way to conceal your scent and suppress your pheromones if you didn’t feel ‘something’. Come on. Be a good boy and I might let you cop a feel~?”
With a naive and innocent smile that didn’t match her actions, Wu pressed her breasts together with a slight glimmer in her brilliant, emerald-green eyes.
Noticing that Wu’s aura remained a playful, remarkably vibrant, and sunny yellow, Vahn just shook his head, saying, “That’s enough…” in a soft yet firm tone. Then, before the monkey girl could react, he plopped his hand down on her head, gently ruffling her strangely metallic-feeling hair as he said, “You don’t need to push yourself. I was going to help Nezha even without you doing something like this….”
Retracting his hand, Vahn had to restrain an amused smile as both Wu and Nezha gawked at him with dumbfounded expressions on their faces. After all, even the Jade Emperor would never be so brazen as to try and caress the head of the legendary ‘Monkey King’.
Before either could recover, Vahn adopted a tender yet chiding tone as he said, “Even if you regard her as a subordinate, Nezha is still your friend. I can understand your desire to protect her by giving her a bit of…insurance. However, forcing her into a situation where she is forced to acquiesce on the matter of her identity isn’t very considerate. If she ended up losing her virginity to someone she just met, how do you think that would affect her sense of self? I’m not trying to brag, but I’m not exactly the type of person you can have sex with and walk away unaffected…”
Recovering from her previous stupor, Wu adopted a challenging look as she said, “Yeah, yeah, sure. As if every man in existence doesn’t think they’re a god in the bedroom. I won-”
Without waiting for her to finish, Vahn pulled out the Gift Card denoting his status as an A-Rank God of Sex. The average Rank for Divinities outside the 1-3-Digit Gates was C-Rank, so, even if she looked down on men, Wu didn’t have any ground to stand on in regard to arguing his prowess in the bedroom.
Snatching the card out of Vahn’s hand, Wu attempted to bend it with her fingers before biting the edge like an old prospector. Once she had confirmed the card was real, the expression on her face changed quite a bit as she looked up at him and remarked, “You don’t really give off the same vibe as the other Gods of Sex I’ve met. I mean, what kind of Sex Deity actively tries to talk people out of having it. Did the Chief Deity of your Pantheon drop you on your head as a child…?”
With a deadpan expression on his face, Vahn attempted to retrieve his Gift Card only for Wu to snicker as she inserted it between her breasts. It was clear she was baiting him into a literal booby trap, so, with the same deadpan expression on his face, he simply willed the card to disperse as he explained, “I possess numerous Divinities. Sex is merely one of them. Now, where were-”
“Do you feel it when other people are having sex? How many girls have you done it with? Have you ever tried butt stuff~?”
Like a child who had just discovered a new toy, Wu invaded Vahn’s personal space in an attempt to make him feel uncomfortable. Instead, he just raised her brows at her before stepping forward. This confused Wu quite a bit until he passed, unobstructed, through her body. She responded to this by waving her inordinately long tail through his body, curiosity coloring her expression as she inquired, “Is this an illusion? It’s pretty advanced if even my eyes can’t see through it…”
Shaking his head, Vahn decided to guide the conversation back on track, his gaze settling on Nezha as he asked, “Are you happy in the Jade Palace…?”
Blinking in surprise, Nezha adopted a slightly hostile expression as she answered, “I don’t see how that’s any of your business…”
Though she had secretly panicked when Vahn revealed his status as an A-Rank God of Sex, Nezha was still annoyed by the fact he had previously referred to her as a ‘little girl’. He had then tried to use her gender identity as a talking point in his half-assed attempt to convince Wu. She had never needed the support of others when it came to her identity, so, rather than appreciating the fact he had taken her side, Nezha was annoyed by the fact he thought she ‘needed’ him, or anyone for that matter, to take her side.
Surprised by Nezha’s sudden hostility, Vahn had to resist the temptation to call on Loi-chan as he adopted an apologetic smile and said, “I apologize if my words have offended you. Perhaps I was a bit too vague. Rather than prying into your personal matters, I should have asked if you wanted me to do something-”
Adopting a markedly more hostile expression, Nezha balled her hands into fists as she shouted, “I don’t need you to do anything for me! If you’re serious about helping, just give me the resources I need to fix my own problems! What, do you think I’m some ‘little girl’ that needs a big strong man to deal with my own father? Eat a big, fat, smelly dragon di-”
Appearing behind Nezha, Wu promptly covered the enraged tomboy’s mouth as she said, “Whoa now, no need to go that far. He was only trying to help. He just didn’t take into consideration your nature and personality…”
Though she was speaking in a manner to calm Nezha down, Wu directed a pointed glare towards Vahn that told him everything he needed to know about the current situation. It was obvious that someone like Nezha wouldn’t accept outside help so easily. If it were that simple, Wu would have solved her problems a long time ago.
(“Looks like I stepped on a landmine…”)
(*How very astute of you…*)
Ignoring the playful quip, Vahn attempted to smooth things over by manifesting a veritable feast atop the nearby table. They were currently in the kitchen so there was a large number of cooking utensils, a massive cauldron, and several flat surfaces which could be used as a tabletop.
“It seems I’ve offended you twice now. For what it’s worth, it was never my intent to look down on you. I’m just a little sensitive when it comes to children and bad parenting. I understand you’re not really a child but your appearance reminds me of my more spirited sons and daughters…”
Though she squinted her eyes when Vahn, once again, referred to her as a child, Nezha’s temper began to wane when she heard him comparing her to his actual children. It would explain why he helped her, and, more importantly, why he didn’t want to have sex. She hadn’t been all that eager about moving forward with Wu’s plan but Vahn’s refusal and subsequent attempts to make excuses had bothered her more than she was willing to admit…
Feeling the tensions in Nezha’s body fade, Wu promptly released her as several other versions of her manifested around the table Vahn had prepared. She quickly joined them, a massive grin on her face as she engorged herself on the food without any hesitation. This left Vahn at a momentary loss for words while Nezha, having long since grown accustomed to Wu’s antics, whispered, “Damned glutton…” before looking toward Vahn and asking, “Got anything to drink?”
Pulling out the same apple-cinnamon tea he had supplied to Xiao Yue and her cousins, Vahn was slightly offended when Nezha snorted through her nose and asked, “Are you an idiot? If I wanted tea, I would have asked for tea. When a man asks for a drink, they’re obviously talking about wine. Man, you really are ignorant…”
Despite his sudden urge to bend Nezha over his knee and give her a spanking, Vahn’s expression remained calm as he remarked, “I have a large variety of alcohols. Unfortunately, they’re reserved for friends, family, complete strangers, spirits, stray animals, and people with manners. I’m afraid I can’t spare a single drop for brats who get pissy when someone offers them high-quality tea…”
With the kind of expression most people only reserved for their mortal enemy, Nezha’s feet began to glow in a manner reminiscent of heated steel as she said, “Call me a brat…one more time…”
Without missing a beat, Vahn casually retorted, “I refuse.” before offering the same cup of tea as before. This caused Nezha to flare up even more, but, after several exceptionally tense moments, the heat building in her legs promptly dissipated as she accepted the tea and said, “Whatever…” in a huffy, ill-tempered tone.
Though he was tempted to deny her the tea as well, Vahn watched expectantly as Nezha sipped at the aromatic liquid that had even earned an intrigued look from Wu. She was especially sensitive to the smell of flowers and fruit so she could tell the tea was exceptional even without tasting it.
Noticing the expectant look on Vahn’s face, Nezha was fully prepared to tell him the tea tasted like cow piss the moment it touched her tongue. Instead, her malcontent sip quickly turned into several full-mouth gulps before she ultimately exhaled a satisfied, cinnamon-flavored sigh…
Preempting Nezha’s realization of what she had done, Vahn adopted a mirthful smile as he said, “You’re welcome.” in an ostensibly teasing tone. Then, before she could lash out at him, he made his way over to the table, saying, “Make some space. There are thousands of plates where these came from. Eat properly or I’m going to pack up and go home. I no longer have any business with the Jade Palace so nothing is preventing me from leaving.”
Though her first instinct was to flip the table and attempt to snatch his storage ring, Wu’s instincts told her things might not end in her favor. She was pretty confident she could beat Fenrir without breaking a sweat but the final attack of Mikoto had caused the hairs on her back, arms, and legs to stand on end. Vahn was clearly stronger than the both of them, so, while she was fully intending to prank him, Wu decided it could wait until after she had eaten her fill…
Seeing Wu make space for Vahn at the table, everything Nezha had been intending to say got stuck in her throat. Wu had never, ever, not in the entire history of the Heavenly Domain, shared her food with someone else. Thus, for a brief moment, Nezha humored the notion that she might be trapped in an illusion. It was the only thing that explained the ridiculousness of the current situation…
…
..
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(A/N: Alternate Titles: ‘Booba…’,’I would make a joke about the LGBT community but they’re not exactly known for their tolerance…’,’Snap back to reality…’)
