He had been trying his best to fight off the sad mind, so he had only experienced the surface of the emotion. Now that he was letting himself go and allowing his mind to freefall into the sad mind, however, he could understand it at a deeper level.
But the price he had to pay for that understanding was quite scary. In mere moments, suicidal impulses had passed through Han Sen six times.
“If I don’t succeed this time, I’m afraid I will really end up killing myself,” Han Sen thought to himself. But he didn’t hesitate. He let go of his body and allowed the sad will to overtake him.
Through the ages, many Very High had triggered the eye mark, and most of them started off like Han Sen. They chose to fight against the overwhelming sadness.
Everyone knew that experiencing that level of depression was dangerous. The emotions of sadness ran way too deep, and anyone who experienced it for too long had a high chance of killing themselves.
Even if someone was willing to completely let themselves go and learn all they could about the sad mind, there were limits. When they felt their wills grow weaker and the thoughts of suicide started to come out in full force, they would turn away and stop trying.
The Very High that studied the Very High Sense were smarter. Rather than seeing the emotional dead ends ahead, they would press on until the end. They would find another way to get out of the emotional darkness.
But Han Sen was different. He was a very stubborn man, and there was no way for him to retreat. He wasn’t like the Very High who studied the Very High Sense. Even if they didn’t continue, they still had a chance of escaping with only a small amount of damage incurred.
Now, Han Sen would have to walk the full path. Even though he was fighting for his life with every moment that passed, he had to understand the real mind of the Very High elder.
The sad mind sank deeper and deeper into his own mind. Han Sen learned more and more.
Han Sen never thought that such a pure sea of sadness could exist in the universe. It wasn’t self-loathing or hatred of everything else in existence. Rather, it was a sadness that was more like mercy.
When that realization flashed through Han Sen’s mind, he jerked in surprise. Mercy for sadness. He had never thought of this before, but at this moment, he truly felt it. His whole body was overtaken by merciful sadness.
“These are the last tears I will shed in this universe.” In that infinite sadness, Han Sen heard a sound come from the nothingness.
That sound was too dynamic to describe. Once he heard it, Han Sen’s chest ached more deeply than he ever could have imagined. He wanted to drop to the ground and weep.
But he knew that his tears of blood had almost run dry, and he couldn’t cry anymore. After hearing the empty voice in his brain, Han Sen felt even sadder. This was a different kind of sadness than he had felt before, though. This sadness also made him feel helpless and lonely.
The next second, Han Sen’s heart was stricken with absolute fear. That was because he discovered that his sadness wasn’t coming from the Very High eye mark. It came from himself. It was a paralyzing emotion, and it made him feel like he had lost the most important thing in his life. It felt like there was no point in living. He couldn’t wait to kill himself.
Han Sen slowly realized what was happening, but he couldn’t control it. He felt more and more hopeless and lonely. He slowly raised his hand, ready to crush his own skull and kill himself.
A dozen of the Very High gathered near the Ancient Wall could see that the sadness Han Sen was fighting had intensified. They knew it was a bad sign. Li Keer and Exquisite were in rough shape, as well.
“Oh no! Han Sen has stopped resisting. The sad mind has overtaken his body.” The Ninth Uncle’s expression became grave.
There was no need for him to say that, though. The others could tell what was going on.
“I can’t believe Exquisite believed in him so much. He’s going to give up so soon?” a Very High said angrily.
“You must consider that he is only an outsider, after all,” someone said with a sigh.
The Very High who practiced the Very High Sense quietly looked at Han Sen and Exquisite. They were waiting for the moment to arrive. The Ninth Uncle was prepared. When that moment came, he would sever Li Keer and Exquisite’s contract with Han Sen. He would rather they be injured than killed.
Indeed, not long after, what everyone expected finally happened. Han Sen raised his hands and moved them close to his head. Everyone could tell he wanted to kill himself due to the influence of the sad mind.
Almost at the same time, Li Keer and Exquisite raised their hands just like Han Sen had. They touched their foreheads, their faces utterly devoid of hope.
The Ninth Uncle shook his head. He knew they had reached a point of no return. There was no reason to wait any longer. Han Sen was going to die, and Li Keer and Exquisite had to be saved.
The Very High didn’t have a large population. There were only a few hundred of them. They couldn’t afford to lose two people.
The Ninth Uncle raised his hands and summoned the power he would need to forcefully remove the contract binding Li Keer and Exquisite to Han Sen. Then he cocked his head to the side and looked at Han Sen.
Everyone was waiting expectantly for the Ninth Uncle to save Exquisite and Li Keer. They were all looking at him, and they immediately noticed his strange expression.
When they followed his gaze, they quickly realized that the Ninth Uncle was staring at Han Sen, and that Han Sen seemed a little different than he had been before.
Han Sen had raised his hand to kill himself, and his face had been full of the emotions of death. Now, his features showed that he was locked in an internal struggle. His hands were stopped halfway. He hadn’t struck himself. There was something deeply disturbing about his expression.
Exquisite and Li Keer were affected by Han Sen’s emotions. Their hands had also stopped in midair. They were all frozen in place with faces full of conflict.
“Still struggling,” the Ninth Uncle murmured to himself.
“Uncle Nine, stop hesitating. No matter how much that silkworm struggles, he cannot withstand the strength of that sad mind. He is going to die, no matter what. Hurry up and disconnect the contract binding him, Li Keer, and Exquisite.”
“Yes. His death is inevitable. Hurry up and bring all this to an end. If Exquisite and Li Keer experience his suicide through their connection, it will be very traumatic for them. It will deal a lot of damage to their minds.”
As everyone discussed this, something weird suddenly happened to Han Sen.
